Sometimes a women wants to talk and a man just needs to listen. It might sound odd, but that’s just the way it is.
So, don’t push yourself into thinking that just because a woman is sharing her problems with you, you need to fix them. In fact they might not be looking for a fix at all. It may just be a way of releasing their inner worries or concerns and voicing their thoughts. At this point, you, as a man, need to understand that it’s just a thing we women do. We want to get everything out on the table and don’t actually want you to pick at what we’re saying. You may feel you’re helping, but if you just point out things we’ve said we can feel like we’re perhaps the one causing the problem, or we’ve done something wrong. What we’re really after is someone who can give us a hug and tell us that everything will be OK.
So next time you are confronted by a woman, potentially in tears, telling you all about her problems, don’t try to fix, just listen.
Top Tip #3: Ignoring The Signals
A week or so into a new flame and you are becoming slightly irritated by the emails and are not responding quite so readily. But he asks you if you want to come out for another evening and that heart leaps to your throat again. You agree even though there is a vague memory of discomfort from the first meeting. You try and remind yourself that all the dating advice recommends that it is about getting to know someone, and that it’s a journey, that you can’t expect to feel comfortable about everything immediately. He is suggesting dinner again, you don’t really want to but you are not sure what you want to do so you go along with it. You had arranged to see a friend that night but you tell her you can’t make it, she seems a bit disappointed but understands…
It’s amazing how quickly we can get ourselves into habits with relationships. We all like attention and human contact with people but what about the rest of your life? Anyone who might be for you will, you hope, want to share life with a person who has a balanced life and that includes all the other activities and people in your life. Straining towards exclusivity at a very early stage and throwing all your time and attention towards the relationship can be a disaster. Take things slow.
Top Tip #2: Thinking You Know The Person
Tonight’s the night. You’ve arranged to meet (hopefully at a secure public location!) and you’re nervous and uncomfortable, but excited at the same time. Great, we’ve all been there and it’s one of the fantastic things about dating. Your date arrives and it’s a strange situation, as you’ve already talked quite a bit, probably about mutual interests and experiences. You feel you know the person yet at the same time you must remember they’re still a stranger. The voice you expected doesn’t quite match the photo. Perhaps they’re shorter or taller than you imagined. It’s like you know them, but at the same time they can still be completely different to what you imagined.
We can be easily seduced by online conversations with these fantastic people who seem to be our ideal match, but at the end of the day, you can only get to know someone face-to-face. Don’t fall into the trap of thinking you’re closer than you really are. Take your time to get to know someone.
A reader recently requested some help with an online dating conversation that went wrong. He wanted to know why it fizzled out and what he could’ve done better to get further. He was obsessing over a single girl, and unfortuantely when things didn’t work out he felt extremely disappointed.
This series of top tips will point out hopefully some of the biggest online dating mistakes, and how you can get around them…
Top Tip #1: Investing Too Much, Too Early On
So, you’ve been reading through 100’s of profiles, trying to work out who interests you. Perhaps you sent the first message or perhaps you were the receipient. Either way, you’ve found someone who’s interested. For guys especially, it’s all too easy to fixate on this one person and one person only, once things get going conversationally.
A few days later of back-and-forth mailing, and he or she asks for your number. Brilliant! Things are moving forward. So you start chatting on the phone for hours at a time, before even arranging a time to meet. Then things fizzle out. Perhaps you left it too long to meet, or they may’ve found someone else. You’re heartbroken.
Don’t put all your eggs in one basket. It’s so tempting to put all your focus on one person at a time when you’re dating online, but it’s important to remember until you’re actually physically meeting for dates there is still too many unknowns to commit anything.
Bottom Line: Don’t invest emotionally in someone online too early on, make sure you’ve met a few times and really click before switching yourself off to other candidates.
Guys. Close your eyes. Imagine the guy you want to be. Imagine every aspect of his character, his behaviour, his looks…
If you can’t do this, then you’ll never become him. But if you can visualise every aspect of the guy you want to be then you can.
Ponder things such as how does he move, what does he sound like, how does he dress. I want you to imagine every part of how he appears, speaks, behaves and thinks. If you can see him, you can be him. Now imagine this person, the fictional you in your mind, actually has your face. Brand your subconcious with this image. Get used to being this person in your mind.
Just as you wouldn’t be able to be an amazing musician without practicing you will never be the cool and confident guy without practicing. Become comfortable with the new you and embrace the concept that you can truly be anyone you want to be.
Just by doing this, a little bit at a time, every day, you will teach yourself to be more confident and this can only lead to further success in the dating world.