It’s time for some people reading this to grow up. The word of online dating is not a competition between competing males vying for the attention of a female. You need to be in the mindset of finding rather than winning. It’s not school anymore and your attitude is the most important asset you have. Remember as well; your ideal of the “perfect man” is unlikely to be the same as your ideal woman’s view.
So what is it that women want, I hear you ask? It’s an age old question and if I could answer it then we could all go home now and be happy ever after. Being a female myself, what I can tell you is a few things women definitely DON’T want!
1. Women want confidence, not arrogance. There is a big difference here. You need to like yourself for whom you are, be confident in being yourself and not being self deprecating. You absolutely must not come across as if you’re a gift to them. They don’t like the idea you think they’re God’s gift from heaven. That’s one heck of an expectation to live up to and women just don’t need that kind of stress.
2. Women want communication. Strong and silent really doesn’t get you too far in the long run. It’s not appealing or original and they probably think the same about you if that’s the attitude you take. Women want you to be interesting and fun to be around.
3. Women are not a prize. So many men I’ve been on dates with to discuss on-line dating seem to think that women are their trophy. They want to be the ONE woman you want to be with; not the only one that responded.
So – you’re on a date and things have got a little awkward. You’ve run out of things to say. How to you save things and avoid coming across super shy?
1. Give Her A Compliment
I used to be enormously shy myself, but one thing that always broke the ice was when the guy would pay me a compliment. That moment of acceptance momentairly jars your brain and kicks you out of the super shy feeling. Make sure it’s something lovely though, perhaps about her lifestyle or personality, rather than just looks.
2. Ask An Open Question
Stop with the yes/no questions and ask something that actually requires some thought to respond. Questions establish a basis for effective communication and effective questions open the door to understanding. The art is to know which questions to ask and when. Definitely go for ‘why’ and ‘how’ questions and she’ll feel that you are interested. Make sure you don’t stray onto any conversation topics that might be a little too risque at first however 😉
3. Listen, Listen (oh, and Listen)
When a woman starts to talk about her favourite topics, many men will lose interest or try and steer the conversation away too quickly. This is a massive mistake and women will detect this! Women love to exchange jokes and anecdotes as well, and perhaps she’s currently on her way to telling you an interesting story. Give her a chance to finish and you will be rewarded.
As I’ve been saying for a while, there are two key things to being successful with on-line dating. They seem pretty obvious; language, and your photo. Right?
Well as with everything there is more to these things than first meets the eye. Being attractive and having a great photo is one thing, but how you sell yourself through your words is another very important task.
So – what are these magic profile tips you may ask? There are several traits which increase your percieved attractiveness with the opposite sex. Use the wording in your profile to get across the following keywords and you will greatly increase your chances of success!
For Men, the key words to use in your profile are: Passionate, Perceptive, Funny, Ambitious, Spontaneous, Thoughtful, Affectionate, Outgoing, Optimistic and Fit.
For Women, the best words for success are: Ambitious, Funny, Outgoing, Hard Working, Sweet, Thoughtful, Loving, Passionate, Attractive and Spontaneous.
Just a quick one today, here’s the 7th in my series of Online Dating Profile Tips…
Tip #7: Clichés and Bragging
Leave the clichés to everyone else. Be creative enough so that you get attention and are able to experience what online dating is all about. But try to be as original, and sincere as you can. Try not to brag, or brag too much. You won’t impress anyone with a rude attitude. Self-confidence is fine, but excessive bragging is definitely a TURN-OFF. If you’re good looking that will show in your photo, you have no need to use these words in your profile. If you claim intelligence, then be sure that your grammar is impeccable and your diction flawless.
Top Tip #3: Ignoring The Signals
A week or so into a new flame and you are becoming slightly irritated by the emails and are not responding quite so readily. But he asks you if you want to come out for another evening and that heart leaps to your throat again. You agree even though there is a vague memory of discomfort from the first meeting. You try and remind yourself that all the dating advice recommends that it is about getting to know someone, and that it’s a journey, that you can’t expect to feel comfortable about everything immediately. He is suggesting dinner again, you don’t really want to but you are not sure what you want to do so you go along with it. You had arranged to see a friend that night but you tell her you can’t make it, she seems a bit disappointed but understands…
It’s amazing how quickly we can get ourselves into habits with relationships. We all like attention and human contact with people but what about the rest of your life? Anyone who might be for you will, you hope, want to share life with a person who has a balanced life and that includes all the other activities and people in your life. Straining towards exclusivity at a very early stage and throwing all your time and attention towards the relationship can be a disaster. Take things slow.