It’s time for some people reading this to grow up. The word of online dating is not a competition between competing males vying for the attention of a female. You need to be in the mindset of finding rather than winning. It’s not school anymore and your attitude is the most important asset you have. Remember as well; your ideal of the “perfect man” is unlikely to be the same as your ideal woman’s view.
So what is it that women want, I hear you ask? It’s an age old question and if I could answer it then we could all go home now and be happy ever after. Being a female myself, what I can tell you is a few things women definitely DON’T want!
1. Women want confidence, not arrogance. There is a big difference here. You need to like yourself for whom you are, be confident in being yourself and not being self deprecating. You absolutely must not come across as if you’re a gift to them. They don’t like the idea you think they’re God’s gift from heaven. That’s one heck of an expectation to live up to and women just don’t need that kind of stress.
2. Women want communication. Strong and silent really doesn’t get you too far in the long run. It’s not appealing or original and they probably think the same about you if that’s the attitude you take. Women want you to be interesting and fun to be around.
3. Women are not a prize. So many men I’ve been on dates with to discuss on-line dating seem to think that women are their trophy. They want to be the ONE woman you want to be with; not the only one that responded.
People all over the world have taken to on-line dating; and I mean really taken. It’s now a huge, worldwide phenomenon. Because it works; or more accurately, it can work. Women are in general out-numbered by men on on-line dating sites, and they also tend to be the most cautious when it comes to meeting with a guy they’ve met online. And it’s not surprising; there are many horror stories about the things that can occur online. I must say, it’s a good thing to be careful too, I’ve certainly had my fair share of close calls online.
So, how does a nice guy differentiate themselves from the weirdos online? You’re the nice guy looking for their dream girl. All good.
Firstly, be patient. Do not press a girl into handing over more information than she wishes to, or earlier than she wants to. Keep conversations light and fun until the level of comfort is at a point you can take your conversations further. Don’t rush a face-to-face meeting (although don’t leave it too long – no one likes email ping-pong forever).
A picture is worth a thousand words, for real. Make sure your profile has at least three or four pictures (I talk about this elsewhere). Show yourself doing every day activities and make sure they clearly show your face.
Be 100% clear and upfront about your job and hobbies. You’ll get found out eventually, and a good relationship will never be built on lies. You’ll be back at square one before you know it.
Ditto for your physical appearance. Every girl has different likes and wants. Don’t be afraid to be yourself and you won’t get very far if when you meet you have lied about your appearance.
Once you’ve planned to meet for the first time, make sure it’s in a very public place, during daylight hours if possible. You have nothing to hide and nor should she. Once you’ve had a few successful meetings then let the relationship build!
So – you’re on a date and things have got a little awkward. You’ve run out of things to say. How to you save things and avoid coming across super shy?
1. Give Her A Compliment
I used to be enormously shy myself, but one thing that always broke the ice was when the guy would pay me a compliment. That moment of acceptance momentairly jars your brain and kicks you out of the super shy feeling. Make sure it’s something lovely though, perhaps about her lifestyle or personality, rather than just looks.
2. Ask An Open Question
Stop with the yes/no questions and ask something that actually requires some thought to respond. Questions establish a basis for effective communication and effective questions open the door to understanding. The art is to know which questions to ask and when. Definitely go for ‘why’ and ‘how’ questions and she’ll feel that you are interested. Make sure you don’t stray onto any conversation topics that might be a little too risque at first however 😉
3. Listen, Listen (oh, and Listen)
When a woman starts to talk about her favourite topics, many men will lose interest or try and steer the conversation away too quickly. This is a massive mistake and women will detect this! Women love to exchange jokes and anecdotes as well, and perhaps she’s currently on her way to telling you an interesting story. Give her a chance to finish and you will be rewarded.
The third type of person not to date at Uni:
Unlike schools, relationships between staff and students at Universities are pretty common and normally all above board. Often, a lecturer will only need declare their involvement with a student with their Head of Department, to ensure there is no foul play when it comes to exams.
Let’s face it though, most University relationships don’t last. So, that power over you and wisdom you found so attractive right at the start is now looming over you and out of control. Do you really want to be finishing the rest of the year having to sit and listen to your ex boy or girlfriend for several hours a week? Didn’t think so…
The second type of person not to date at Uni:
A Sabbatical Officer
Sabbs are students who’ve taken a year off either during or after their cource to take on various positions in Students’ Unions. Often these will be positions voted in by a general vote of the student population. Sabbs are often responsible for student wellbeing, activities, sports or representation.
It might seem great dating someone vaguely important, but it’s not a good idea.
The problem is, a sabbatical officer will be everywhere. You will not be able to avoid them if it all goes wrong. There’s probably massive posters of them up on the wall, emails from them each week, and of course, everyone knows who they are and will probably keep bringing the two of you up for a long time to come. It’s going to be pretty hard to get over someone when they’re so much around you.