People all over the world have taken to on-line dating; and I mean really taken. It’s now a huge, worldwide phenomenon. Because it works; or more accurately, it can work. Women are in general out-numbered by men on on-line dating sites, and they also tend to be the most cautious when it comes to meeting with a guy they’ve met online. And it’s not surprising; there are many horror stories about the things that can occur online. I must say, it’s a good thing to be careful too, I’ve certainly had my fair share of close calls online.
So, how does a nice guy differentiate themselves from the weirdos online? You’re the nice guy looking for their dream girl. All good.
Firstly, be patient. Do not press a girl into handing over more information than she wishes to, or earlier than she wants to. Keep conversations light and fun until the level of comfort is at a point you can take your conversations further. Don’t rush a face-to-face meeting (although don’t leave it too long – no one likes email ping-pong forever).
A picture is worth a thousand words, for real. Make sure your profile has at least three or four pictures (I talk about this elsewhere). Show yourself doing every day activities and make sure they clearly show your face.
Be 100% clear and upfront about your job and hobbies. You’ll get found out eventually, and a good relationship will never be built on lies. You’ll be back at square one before you know it.
Ditto for your physical appearance. Every girl has different likes and wants. Don’t be afraid to be yourself and you won’t get very far if when you meet you have lied about your appearance.
Once you’ve planned to meet for the first time, make sure it’s in a very public place, during daylight hours if possible. You have nothing to hide and nor should she. Once you’ve had a few successful meetings then let the relationship build!
Again, technology is to blame here for the ease of access to information on people. Thanks to social media, it’s almost impossible to disappear completely anymore. Especially so if you share mutual friends, a college or University or perhaps have album after album of photos together.
More and more people are using Facebook and other social networking sites to stalk both ex-partners and potential new crushes. It may be a great way to see how they’re doing, find out some of their interests you can use later to chat them up or perhaps you just want to see what they look like at their best (and worst!). The problem is, and specficially when it comes to stalking ex-girlfriends or ex-boyfriends, is that it prevents us from getting over them and moving on in our lives.
Unfortunately, too much information can cause anxiety. Spot them in a photo with a new guy? Bet that winds you up, right? It can really hamper a break up if you keep an eye on what they’re up to. So, next time you need to get over someone, block them from appearing in your newsfeed, un-friend them, or go tee-total in the digital world. You’ll thank me later.
So who’d have thought technology actually ruined relationships.
Well, it does. I imagine most of you probably think I’m going on the lines of your partner taking too many selfies, spending their life Tweeting or perhaps they’re too stuck it the world of Instagram. No, I’m on about internet infidelity.
The internet has made it far easier for people to meet, connect, hook-up, whatever. That’s great if you’re single, but if you’re in a relationship, the urge to cheat on your partner is higher than ever. The virtual world offers the convenience and anonymity that can prove too tempting for many to resist, even if they have a partner who is willing to have sex with them right there in the other room. There’s no physical contact, so what’s the problem? Is talking or flirting with other people on-line when you’re already in a relationship cheating?
77% of people would tend to agree, that any type of on-line flirting or cyber-sex is in fact cheating. Despite the many reasons a cheater could use to rationalise their activities, an overwhelming majority of people agree that cheating is cheating, regardless of the medium. It’s a new and puzzling grey area that has become such a big problem, it’s actually been the reason behind almost a third of divorce cases in the last few years.
Top Tip #3: Ignoring The Signals
A week or so into a new flame and you are becoming slightly irritated by the emails and are not responding quite so readily. But he asks you if you want to come out for another evening and that heart leaps to your throat again. You agree even though there is a vague memory of discomfort from the first meeting. You try and remind yourself that all the dating advice recommends that it is about getting to know someone, and that it’s a journey, that you can’t expect to feel comfortable about everything immediately. He is suggesting dinner again, you don’t really want to but you are not sure what you want to do so you go along with it. You had arranged to see a friend that night but you tell her you can’t make it, she seems a bit disappointed but understands…
It’s amazing how quickly we can get ourselves into habits with relationships. We all like attention and human contact with people but what about the rest of your life? Anyone who might be for you will, you hope, want to share life with a person who has a balanced life and that includes all the other activities and people in your life. Straining towards exclusivity at a very early stage and throwing all your time and attention towards the relationship can be a disaster. Take things slow.
Top Tip #2: Thinking You Know The Person
Tonight’s the night. You’ve arranged to meet (hopefully at a secure public location!) and you’re nervous and uncomfortable, but excited at the same time. Great, we’ve all been there and it’s one of the fantastic things about dating. Your date arrives and it’s a strange situation, as you’ve already talked quite a bit, probably about mutual interests and experiences. You feel you know the person yet at the same time you must remember they’re still a stranger. The voice you expected doesn’t quite match the photo. Perhaps they’re shorter or taller than you imagined. It’s like you know them, but at the same time they can still be completely different to what you imagined.
We can be easily seduced by online conversations with these fantastic people who seem to be our ideal match, but at the end of the day, you can only get to know someone face-to-face. Don’t fall into the trap of thinking you’re closer than you really are. Take your time to get to know someone.