For some people, online dating is just for amusement. Others are basing their future on it. It’s workable for most and gratifying when you receive attention. Most people’s experience are generally positive but there is that one big problem that comes up a cropper more often than not: You meet up in real life, and are disappointed in what you find. What do you do in this situation?
Sometimes people’s expectations are too easily raised – other times people have lied on their profiles. It happens. And if you’ve arrange to meet before you find out; then you’ll be in for disappointment.
The two biggest things people lie about are actually their job, and their weight. Men tend to lie about height too, but an inch or two doesn’t often make a difference 😉
So. You’ve spent hours exchanging messages, chatting and spent hours on the phone. Now it comes to meet. You built up so much chemistry on the phone and every time you talked, that in particular the guy has built up the possibility of a true relationship with the girl before you’ve even met. Inevitably the guy will be the first to suggest moving things offline.
The day rolls around and you’ve agreed to meet for lunch. This is it. But oh no, everything has crumbled. Why? The girl appears to be somewhat different to what the guy was expecting, and that conversation that so easily flowed online has become stiff, awkward and strained. You get to the end of the date, and the girl politely says she had a wonderful time and the guy nods and agrees. But is this really how it should be?
Of course, all this happens the other way around too – we all know how many guys we’ve met online who turned out to have that ‘extra few pounds’ which they failed to mention online…
This kind of situation is not uncommon in the world of online dating. There are many cases wherein two people just don’t click when they meet each other in person.
Both of you will go away and try and analyse the situation. You find it hard to understand why the person you learnt to like online is entirely different in person. You try to assess what went wrong. Is it their point of view that has changed? Were you deceived by the other person? Or was it just wrong from the very start?
The problem with most people who indulge into online dating is that they fail to keep in mind that when they communicate to their dates online, they are communicating, not with a person but with a series of texts, with no person involved. This is because any answers can always be fabricated or the other person can always deceive his or her date. So, when this occurs, the date’s inevitably turn out different than you ever imagined.
You need to learn how to act in these situations. Unfortunately, it’s time for that age old most hated thing – rejection.
- In order to break up things easily, it’s better for a person not to mention anything that will focus attention on the issue of not getting the expectations that one had started to build before they even met in person.
It’s wrong to emphasize on the physical qualities of the person that is why the other person does not want to communicate with him or her any more.
- It’s best for the concerned person to explain to the other that it’s more important to find the other’s right mate to ensure a happy relationship than soldier on with something that doesn’t feel right. At least try and make effort to explain how the chemistry is not working.
- Don’t use excuses. They will only worsen the matter – rejection should be instigated in a way that the other person will not be hurt. But that does not mean using excuses. A lame defence only hurts more.
- Be consistent with your decision. If you felt it was right at the time, it was right. Don’t go away and regret your decision only to try and win them back. Don’t come back rushing into the other person’s life because you’ve realised that he or she is wrong in their decision after all. Once you’ve walked away, stay away.
- Let the other individual express his or her feelings and ask questions. Don’t shy away from answering them honestly. Sometimes people want to get the feeling they’ve understood why things went wrong, even if that doesn’t make much sense to you. Learn to empathise with the other individual so you can see what it’d be like in their shoes. Be sensitive to how they feel.
Rejection is always hard, but sometimes its for the best. Online dating has it’s ups and downs, and you will succeed with it eventually. But it may mean facing rejection along the way. It’s a journey at the end of the day.